Monday, 24 May 2010

*Enablers and Saboteurs*

If you have read my previous post on my love confession you will be aware that I have had this post in mind for a little while now. I never really gave much thought to this concept before as I always knew who my saboteur was however when the concept of enablers emerged it made me look a little differently at my surroundings.Now don't get me wrong this is a finger pointing post at all, its more of a psychological awakening that I thought I would share.

I've always known that I am my own saboteur as its me that allows myself to fail no one else. However when Ruby mentioned the concept of enablers I was intrigued by the concept and soon starting questioning whether this was something that affected my life.

Enabler - An enabler, is a person who by their actions make it easier for an addict to continue their self-destructive behavior by criticizing or rescuing

I thought about this in a very narrow minded way at first, concentrating on only what I was encountering at the time. However when I thought back throughout my 20+ years I have realised that I have been in contact with this for most of my life. For example at a young age I was bullied at school as a result of my weight however my parents always made sure I ate everything on plate which included foods I didn't like as well as eating when I was already full. As I got to the age of 10 I convinced my parents to let me 'diet' by only eating three meals a day that were regarded as healthy and not allowing me to eat any snacks. I soon dropped a few pounds but that's when I was told that I should stop, I didn't need to lose weight as I looked ill (I was about 10stone at this time and only 11 years of age so I was still pretty big).

As I went to secondary school the same thing happened, I was bullied as a result of my weight and was always very conscious of how I looked compared to everyone else. As I started to lose weight again dropping from a higher number of 13 stone to around 10 stone again I was once again told by my parents that I had to stop as I looked ill. This reoccurring memory of being told "your too thin now you look ill, you need to stop" has popped up more times than I can remember. Each time I have got to a healthy weight for my height I have been told to "stop".

I realise now that this has had such a negative affect one me and my thought processes and reactions in regards to my weight. Each time I have been told "your too thin" I have taken it to the extreme, so much so that I gained a whopping 8 stone.

This might seem really insignificant to some however I have thought about this in depth and can acknowledge this happening on nearly a daily basis. For instance I will say no to an item of food and I feel pressured into eating it as I am asked several times whether I want it or a nudge of "go on it wont hurt". Well actually it does hurt because its a daily ritual. And this isnt just by my parents, its by my friends and other family members too.

Since my recent life changing experience I have been very strong with "No's" and have stuck to my guns. I can only hope this lasts now I am more aware of my enablers. I know they mean well and love me dearly however my journey would be much easier if I wasn't encouraged to stray.

Keep strong guys,

Roo xoxo

Do you have any enablers? Are you your own saboteur?

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