*Stopping the B.S*

Since I initially started my journey in July 2009 (although I since have gained the weight in which I lost and have recently started from scratch again) I really struggled to exercise regularly. Like I have done most of my life, I made excuses not to exercise (and eat right). I could easily rattle off a number of excuses right now that I have used, some of them even being recently. I'm not sure when the excuse making will stop but it is something that I'm really trying hard not to stop.

Here are just some of my 'well known' excuses:

• I have a headache (and no I'm not talking about that kind of exercise either)
• I have just got home from work
• I have uni work to complete
• I'm too stressed out (yes I have used this, what a load of B.S!)
• I'm too fat
• I've just eaten
• It's too hot

Can you see where I'm going with this...?

Any excuse you can think of I'm sure at some point I have used. Writing this now I can easily say that I was just being damn right lazy. I was making excuses for not exercising not only to my friends and family but to myself. At some stages I even believed my own excuses.

On the other hand I do want to put something straight. I haven't always had a negative perception of exercise. Actually it was the total opposite. I loved it! Although I have been overweight for as long as I can remember I had always been very active. I swam for my primary and secondary school as well as competing in local events. I played netball for my primary school and took part in numerous championships. I was also a basketball and hockey enthusiast and worked out everyday. It's hard to believe that as a result of all of the activities I did, I was still overweight however I never got the balance of eating right and exercising.

So why have I lost my motivation to exercise? I believe its partly down to being conscious of how I look in front of other people (whilst walking, at the gym, cycling etc.) but its primarily down to the simplicity of making excuses not too.

Pretty pathetic aye...

I'm much more aware of my art of B.S-ing, I can hear it start to emerge in my thoughts. Its the nipping it in the bud that matters as I'm sure I will make excuses for a while yet.

So to round this post up I think its important to take a step back and question yourself when you say 'I can't do something because...' and determine whether you are in fact B.S-ing. If so stop and remember that you only have one life, if you are going to live your life by making excuses for not doing certain things such as eating right, moving more or even basic day to day activities than whats the point. I now realise that I have wasted years of my life as a result of not doing things I wanted to do. Don't let that be you.

Make a change today,

Roo (aka. the former Queen of B.S) xoxo

*Reason for Wanting to Lose Weight - 1*

My list of reasons for wanting to loose weight are in no particular order and to some may seem a little selfish and extreme however these are my reasons for wanting to shift the pounds and they are the ones that keep me motivated.

I chose to write this as my first reason as it is topic that I encounter on a near on daily basis and one that I never realised would mean so much to me.

My first reason is Bray...

(This is me and my niece Bray whom in this photo was only a few hours old. Notice me trying to cover my huge belly with a stuffed toy)

When my sister was pregnant I never really wanted to get involved and was hand on heart actually a bit of b**** towards her and for that I truly apologise. However when Bray popped out (trust me I know babies don't just pop out) I fell in love with her straight away. Although I am still young (so I like to think) I question whether I will ever have children of my own and I think that's partly why I was less than kind to my sister.

Moving back to the losing weight malarkey...

Since Bray has become part of my life I have realised how unfit I really am. Although I'm struggling to hold her at the moment due to ill health I was struggling to hold her and walk around without gasping for breathe. Bray is currently at the stage of trying to walk and I know it wont be long until she does. This has turned a light on for me, I know that after a while I wont be able to run around after her and play things that she wants me to play as a result of being so unfit as well as my actual size permitting me from doing certain things.

(Yes that is a half a cupcake)

I never thought I would say it but my niece means the world to me and I want to be the best auntie that she could ever wish for. I know by losing weight, keeping active and being healthy will mean that I can do all the things that anyone else can as well as setting a good example of a healthy lifestyle (something that I never really had as a child).

So reason for wanting to lose weight - 1 is Bray.

I will be the best auntie ever!

Roo xoxo

*Electra and I - my super exciting news*

If you know me personally you will know that I have been saving and searching for a bike for sometime now. I did have my heart set on a metallic blue American Navy inspired bike which I absolutely adored. However due to lack of funds at the time I actually missed out on that beautiful bike and have been searching ever since. The search has now been called off as I have found a new bike that is to my retro taste (however my heart will always belong to the American Navy bike).

Firstly, if you have read my previous posts you will know that my blog was previously under the title of "The Adventures of comic book girl", so if you haven't already guessed I am a huge comic book fan. Yes, really I am. So when I came across a brand that was called Electra (although spelt slightly different) I had to have one of their bikes.

So here she is.... my gorgeous new bike

I haven't been able to take her for a ride yet as I am still finding it really painful just walking, however I do plan to take her out at the weekend no matter how painful it is.

If you are wondering where I got my lovely bike from, I purchased it at Chain Reaction Cycles. The service I received was amazing. However I would like to point out that I was lucky enough to have my partner put my bike together for me, unless you have built one before I would maybe suggest taking it to a bike shop and have them put it together.

I am so excited about taking her out for a ride at the weekend and my first trip will be going to purchase a helmet, FUN!

Have a terrific day,

Roo xoxo

*weekly update*

Weekly update I hear you say, ha! Yes I know its been nearly two weeks since my last 'weekly update' however if you read my previous post you will know that I have been in and out of hospital, hence the delay.

At the start of my journey I weighed 18stone 4.5lbs (256.5lb) and so I am delighted to say that this week I'm 8.5lb down, taking me to 17st lb (248b). I know this is mainly due to being in hospital and losing my appetite however I have chosen the "healthier" option meals such as salads and steamed veggies. Admittedly I had a fab loss this week but I have also had a few set backs that have affected my way of thinking (I will talk about this when I know I'm ready too) however I refuse to let them get me down.

As well as my fab loss I also have some even more fab news that I'm so excited about but I will spend a whole blog post on this topic.

In my previous post I set myself some goals in which I wanted to accomplish, so I will go over these and tell you how I did:

• Track everything I eat and drink- I nearly completed this for the whole two weeks since my previous post however there was 4/14 days that I didn't. Although I didn't track for the whole two weeks I did accomplish tracking for 10 of those 14 days and in my books that's fantastic so I'm super happy for that.
• Weigh-in- I weighed in on my Wii Fit showing my loss of 2lb.
• Work out on my Wii Fit for 30minutes at least once- This I didn't hit as I have been barely able to walk and have been in and out of hospital for the past two weeks.

Although I don't want it to seem that I am making excuses for not accomplishing all of my sets goals, when taking into consideration my ill health I have done really well and I am very proud of how I have done.

So this week my goals are:

• Track everyday
• Weigh-in
• Work on my water intake - I know I don't consume enough water.

Have a great week guys.

Roo xoxo

Do you have any set goals to accomplish this week?

*Enablers and Saboteurs*

If you have read my previous post on my love confession you will be aware that I have had this post in mind for a little while now. I never really gave much thought to this concept before as I always knew who my saboteur was however when the concept of enablers emerged it made me look a little differently at my surroundings.Now don't get me wrong this is a finger pointing post at all, its more of a psychological awakening that I thought I would share.

I've always known that I am my own saboteur as its me that allows myself to fail no one else. However when Ruby mentioned the concept of enablers I was intrigued by the concept and soon starting questioning whether this was something that affected my life.

Enabler - An enabler, is a person who by their actions make it easier for an addict to continue their self-destructive behavior by criticizing or rescuing

I thought about this in a very narrow minded way at first, concentrating on only what I was encountering at the time. However when I thought back throughout my 20+ years I have realised that I have been in contact with this for most of my life. For example at a young age I was bullied at school as a result of my weight however my parents always made sure I ate everything on plate which included foods I didn't like as well as eating when I was already full. As I got to the age of 10 I convinced my parents to let me 'diet' by only eating three meals a day that were regarded as healthy and not allowing me to eat any snacks. I soon dropped a few pounds but that's when I was told that I should stop, I didn't need to lose weight as I looked ill (I was about 10stone at this time and only 11 years of age so I was still pretty big).

As I went to secondary school the same thing happened, I was bullied as a result of my weight and was always very conscious of how I looked compared to everyone else. As I started to lose weight again dropping from a higher number of 13 stone to around 10 stone again I was once again told by my parents that I had to stop as I looked ill. This reoccurring memory of being told "your too thin now you look ill, you need to stop" has popped up more times than I can remember. Each time I have got to a healthy weight for my height I have been told to "stop".

I realise now that this has had such a negative affect one me and my thought processes and reactions in regards to my weight. Each time I have been told "your too thin" I have taken it to the extreme, so much so that I gained a whopping 8 stone.

This might seem really insignificant to some however I have thought about this in depth and can acknowledge this happening on nearly a daily basis. For instance I will say no to an item of food and I feel pressured into eating it as I am asked several times whether I want it or a nudge of "go on it wont hurt". Well actually it does hurt because its a daily ritual. And this isnt just by my parents, its by my friends and other family members too.

Since my recent life changing experience I have been very strong with "No's" and have stuck to my guns. I can only hope this lasts now I am more aware of my enablers. I know they mean well and love me dearly however my journey would be much easier if I wasn't encouraged to stray.

Keep strong guys,

Roo xoxo

Do you have any enablers? Are you your own saboteur?

*Race for Life 2010- Regents Park*

If you have read my blog previously you will know that I've been unwell recently. However I've waited nearly a year to take part in 'Race for Life' and I was not going to let anything stop me from completing the course whether it be in a wheel chair or walking slowly. If your unsure what Race for Life is, its a fund raiser for cancer research and involves women (no men I'm afraid) running, jogging or walking 3km, 5km or 10km- I chose 5km.

I was so excited to take part in this event that I could hardly sleep the night before and was awake and ready by 8am. After  a mile walk to the closest station and then travelling through London via the underground we (me, my sister and mum) finally reached Regents Park only to find we had to walk around another mile to get to the entrance of the race.

After queuing to actually race we managed to start with just over 7 minutes already passing. There were so many people taking part it was amazing, it was announced that over 5000 were taking part today alone! As we walked through the starting barrier the disc-jockey for HEART 106.2 announced my number (number 81) and cheered me on! I couldn't believe it I was beaming from ear to ear.

Although I regularly commute into London I never have time to take in the scenery but as I was walking I was taken back by the beauty of Regents Park. This is easily the most beautiful and tranquil place I have ever encountered. If you ever get the chance to visit Regents Park, do so, you wont regret it.

Here are some fundraisers dressed in pink and white.

This fountain was breathtaking, absolutely beautiful!

Another piece of art within Regents park. These types of pieces were scattered throughout the park however most of the ones I saw, and trust me I didn't get to view them all, were different.

I'm not sure what this building was, it may have been a hotel but it was huge. I like the design of this building, it was astounding.

I love the street lamps in this picture. I tried to take as many photos as possible, I didn't get the chance to stop and I could hardly see what the screen on my camera was taking so some of these are random but I do love this one.

Another amazing building, a hotel I think.

This is a close up of the same building in which I think it looks like the white house.

The amount of women taking part was fabulous. As you can see in this photo there is just a sea of pink and white people. Its hard to believe that I was in the middle!

I love this photo because not only does the tower look like something from Disney Land but the expression on the old chaps face looks so peaceful yet excited at the same time.

These are a few signs that were pointed around the last km. I thought these were really inspirational and really spurred me on. (I was in so much pain with my chest and back at this time I really was worried I couldn't finish the course)

I was so happy when I saw the finishing line, there was tons of people cheering us on, HEART 106.2 was playing music and cheering us on also.

When I finished I was a little sad, it was a really emotional day as cancer is something that affects everyone. However as soon as I got past the finish line I signed up for next year. Check me out.

 I really am so proud of myself, my mum and sister for completing it. Hopefully next year I'll be able to beat my time set of 1hour 3minutes (-7minutes as that is the time we actually got to the starting line).

Have a fab weekend guys.

Roo xoxo

Has anyone taken part in any charity fund raisers this year?

*A love confession*

I have to confess my love for something that I am now totally addicted to. This particular 'thing' has helped me through some on easy times and has guided me in times of need. This 'thing' is something that I think everyone could benefit from having in their life. This thing is...

Ruby. If your not aware, Ruby is a stunning women from Savannah who has struggled with her weight from a young age. Ruby documents her journey of weigh loss from around 500lb (her highest being in the 700's) to set goals. You might be thinking 'oh this is another diet show', yea your right it is but its something totally different at the same time. Rather than looking at her only food intake it also goes into the psychological aspects of losing weight as well as how and why a person gains weight in the first case. Furthermore not only does she document her losses but also her gains in which we as viewers get to see how you deals with them.

This is a refreshing outlook on the life of a individual trying to loose weight and should defiantly be seen by everyone in the same position. It allows you to question aspects of your life that you would not done before, as well as understanding how certain events affect you without you realising. Through this show I have been able to pin-point events that have led to my weigh gain (which I will speak about in future posts) as well as being able to identify my own enablers (again something I will post about in the future).

If you would like to find out more about Ruby you can do so here . She is a true inspiration!

Team Ruby xoxo

*What am I eating for?*

This may seem like a strange topic at first but its one I've thought about for a while. It all started about 2 months ago when I had a huge binge as a result of poor planning and was stuffing item after item of food into my mouth. Half way through a biscuit I thought to myself, this really doesn't taste that good. Cramming a few more in I thought to myself, yea this really doesn't taste nice at all and after shoveling another two into my mouth I stopped and thought what the hell am I doing? At this point I had already eaten nearly 3/4 of the packet, yes your reading that right, 3/4 of a packet of biscuits that I didn't actually like!

This led me onto to thinking about food choices and binges. I admit now that I have a number of binges under my belt (of should I say hanging over my belt?) yet more often than not I'm actually consuming food that I don't even like. Why on earth would anyone in their right mind consume something they didn't like? On a simplistic level I wouldn't eat dogs food so what is it that's stopping me from eating it apart from knowing its socially unacceptable. With that I thought about when I was younger.

From the age of around 5 until the age of 14 I was very fussy with what I ate. I would never try anything new and lived off of eating pasta and jacket potatoes. So what was it that I possessed that enabled me to say no to so many foods. I know that since then I have tasted and tried a number of new foods and I have heard that your taste does change over time but I can't help but think that if I was able to tap into that part of me that stopped myself from eating foods I didn't like and used it now, not only for stopping myself from eating something I didn't like but also to say enough is enough I'm not eating vast amounts of a particular food anymore I would be much more successful in my journey.

Since my health scare I have definitely looked at food differently and have questioned is this good for my body, is it providing fuel and nutrients to me or is it something that is not doing either of these things and is just a "I like the taste of it so I will eat it" food. With that I can see my desire to restrict certain foods coming back. I am not stating that denying yourself of certain foods is healthy however I really do believe that moderation is the key here which is something I haven't always been able to get my head around.

As of today I will be tweeting what I eat on a Thursday, if you would like to follow me please do.

Have a fab day!

ROO xoxo

*Life Changing Experiences*

I did have another topic in mind to post this week but instead I thought I would write about something that has happened to me and has changed my view on life completely.

On Monday morning I was rushed into hospital with pains in my back, left arm, chest and an ache in my jaw. After numerous tests it was suggested that I could have either a blood clot in my lung or a virus that has caused the valves in my heart to enlarge (my family has a long line of heart conditions and  blood clots and a number of my family members have died from them) and by this time I'm pretty much thinking that that's it, its my time. I ended up staying over night and was later discharged late the next evening after a number of more tests, x-rays and medications. This gave me a lot of thinking time which I used to reflect back on my life.

On reflection I released that I had led a life trapped inside what can only be described as a fat suit. This is really how I feel, I do believe I have a 'normal' weight person inside of me screaming to get out but I chose to shut them up by stuffing food in their mouth. On a psychological level I can see that as I'm typing this I am referring to the 'normal' me as a third person, I guess this is due to not knowing what I look like as well as the personality of this person/'normal' me).

Although what happened was one of the worst experiences I have had its also changed my way of thinking and also my whole outlook on life. For example, at present I don't feel the need to feed my emotions (I am a self-confessed emotional eater) which is a huge accomplishment. Also, I found that its OK to feel hungry... I won't die from waiting an hour until my next meal so just get over it. More importantly I've realised that I actually want to live my life and not sit back and watch it pass like I have for so many years. And finally like Wilbur from Charlotte's Web (the story that turned me vegetarian), "I don't wanna die!"

This is the starting of a new me. I can feel it in my trotters.

Roo xoxo

*I'm back*

Some of you may be thinking, who is this? Well let me recap to about 4 months ago when I was formally known as comicbookgirl. I published a post detailing that I was changing my name as a result of confusion between some avid comic book fans and my blog, however if I remember rightly that was actually one of my last blogs.

I've put off blogging for sometime now, not just as a result of a super busy timetable but also due to not being on track. I have thought about blogging a number of times but I was just not in the right frame of mind, nor was I totally devoted to the topic in question (this I believe is very important to be successful). So over the past month I have been working on changing my thought processes and tapping into the reasons why I need and want to do this.

Many of these reasons are such things as wanting to wear nice clothes, increase in confidence and to be healthy however one I noted down really hit me and it was then that I knew exactly what I had to do. To stop letting my weight rule my life. This is something that I've always had issues with as I have (and I'm sure many of others have too) let my weight rule my life. For example if I see an old friend from school I pretend not to notice them, not because I'm a total and utter snob but because I'm too ashamed to let them see how I look now, another example is not going to fun fairs or theme parks purely because I am scared of not being able to fit on the rides. My weight is truly ruling my life and it shouldn't be that way.

So as of this week I am focusing on getting back on plan. To do this I will be taking baby steps to start with and will do this by:

• Track everything I eat and drink
• Weigh-in
• Work out on my Wii at least once for 30 mins

This is going to be the week in which changed my life. I can feel it!

Roo xoxo