*Where it all began*

I wrote a few months ago how after reading Jillian Michaels "Winning by Losing" I had come to believe that I needed to stop dwelling on the past - past experiences, past events, past me. I still believe this to be right however I'm not sure I ever got to the real root of the reasons for my issues with weight. I wrote down some ideas of the reasons I felt I could be overweight but no exceptional light bulb experiences.

If your a regular reader of my blog you will know that I have been 'attempting' to stick to the Weightwatchers plan on my own using the online services. I really do believe that this works, no rephrase that, "it really does work" but after losing and gaining a few pounds I knew it was time for me to start attending classes - after all I personally do much better at class and I love the weekly meetings. However I know that I have 'been back to class' ample amounts of time so I was going to have to do something different this time.

So this time round I have decided to attend my weekly classes, and continue my exercise classes but also get to the real reason to my weight issues. I found "Winning by Losing" a real eye-opener and got me to understand some of the science behind it but I know I need something else to help me understand and confront my inner demons. As I enjoyed reading Jillian Michaels book I decided to try another. So this time around I have purchased and am currently reading "How to Lose Weight Without Dieting: Be the size you want to be for life" by Jessica Robbins.

Now I haven't read this book from cover to cover yet, but the introduction jumps straight into Robbins past and I could identify with so much of it. I never realised that half of what I heard I actually internalised and it affected me. Just reading a few pages I began to get teary eyed, things that I didn't think actually mattered did matter because now I was feeling a flood of overwhelming emotion. There are two main points that stuck out for me and Ill explain why here.

"You'll never be thin" this always ended with "because you have big bones", "because your just a big girl" or "because you have my genes". I never really realised how much this actually affected me. Just typing it has resulted in a huge lump in throat. I'm not advocating that the people who said this were being spiteful as they wasn't, I know what its like to be bullied, I guess it was a more of a 'gentle let down' as so I wouldn't get up set if I didn't lose any weight. But in actual fact saying this just made me believe that no matter what I'm always going to failing, I'm never going to be a healthy weight because i)I have big bones, ii) I'm just meant to be big and iii) my genetic make-up means I'm forever doomed to be overweight.

"He only has to look at bread and he puts weight on", insert what you will rather than bread, it could be anything but this was and still is something that is constantly said in my household and outside. Obviously its partly meant as a joke but if you constantly internalise this it has to be harmful in some way or another. I like many others I'm sure see food as 'evil', food is the reason why I'm fat and just looking at it makes me gain weight. This doesn't really create a healthy relationship with food.

Like it pin-points within the book, its all about self-esteem. If you lose the weight but don't face 'your demons' or your own personal reasons for gaining weight in the first case you are still going to be roughly the same person and for me its my self esteem, mine was low even at my thinnest because I hadn't tackled the issue.

So like I said previously this time around I'm going to attend my classes, continue my exercise and tackle my demons.

Have a fabulous week and for those who celebrated Thanksgiving - Happy Thanksgiving!

Roo

On a side note: I know I've been a little slack when it comes blogging recently but I have a few ideas of what I want to post I just need the time to sit down and write it.

*Weekly Update - Accomplishments*

This past week has definitely been one to remember for all the right reasons. I recently blogged about my revelation thanks to Jillian Michaels book titled "Winning by Losing" and have enforced my positive thinking throughout the week.  I'm really hoping that this eventually becomes a habit rather than a conscious decision. However at the moment I am thankful that I am capable of just viewing my appearance, actions and overall mentality, positively. This has undoubtedly made a huge change on my whole outlook.

Not only did a have a mental revelation but I also had a clothing one too. My previous weekly update detailed how after losing 11lb I was having difficultly finding clothes that fit me. My size 22 trousers were huge (around 3" too big) however when I tried on the next size down the trousers were too tight. So when I went clothes shopping at the weekend I wasn't expecting to find any bottoms that fit me. So it was even more of a surprise when I tried on a skirt in a size 20 (a size smaller than normal) and it came up to big! It kept falling down. I nearly screamed with delight in the changing rooms but held it back instead by jumping up like a deranged person. If you haven't guessed dear blog readers I eventually (after much jumping around and waving my arms) purchased a size 18. Yes that's right. A size freaking 18! Get in there!

(My cute size 18 skirt)

And just because everything comes in three's I have had some amazing workouts this week with a mixture of resistance bands, Wii Fit steps, dance and my new favourite "Biggest Loser" for the Wii. I will do a whole post dedicated to this new purchase but I absolutely love it! It has definitely added something new to my routine.

So to sum it up...

My accomplishments this week:

• I tried a new recipe which I stated I wanted to do in last weeks goals.
• I drunk plenty of fluids
• I tracked 5/7 days - I'm getting there
• I stayed the same on the scale
• I worked-out 6 days this week - This included taking Patch for a walk/jog at our local forest

(As you can see he is totally cream crackered)

My aims for next week:

• Track 7/7 days
• Keep up the fluid intake - I'm sure this is becoming a habit rather than a conscious decision
• Work-out
• Try a new recipe
• Continue with my positive thoughts

And just to start the week off well regarding my aims for next week... I love this photo because not only am I smiling but I feel super happy mentally too. What more could someone ask for!

Have an amazing week guys,

Roo xoxo

*Positive Thought Processes*

If you follow me on Twitter you will know that I recently purchased "Winning by Losing" by Jullian Michaels (the no nonsense, kick-your-butt coach from the Biggest Loser). I will do an entire post on this book in the future however I wanted to share a few things while they are fresh in my head.

Positive thought processes or positive thinking is something that I really did believe I used on a daily basis. I always reminded myself that the glass was half full and not half empty (this doesn't mean that I always believed it, I just tried to reinforce that attitude) but after reading the first section in the book entitled "Self" I have realised that actually I am really negative person. Not in the aspect of negative towards others or to certain events but towards myself. I have really put myself down and have attached very negative thoughts and emotions towards my appearance, my health, my capabilities and to be blunt my overall self-worth. Now I'm sure this is the case for the majority of people and not just those who are battling with their weight and fitness. But why? Why do I perceive myself so negatively?

I thought that was a pretty simple question to answer, but in actuality its not. As a child I always knew that I was bigger than the other children my age and even more so when at the age of seven I was bullied the whole way through primary school. As I got older I compared myself even more to my friends and people from magazines, resulting in me abusing my body through food and then starvation. But Jillian probes at more questions than just  bullying and images from magazines, she questions whether previous relationships (romantic, friendship or family) have made you feel inadequate. All of these I have endured at some point.

To some degree I still question whether these are contributing factors to my weight issues or whether they are excuses for my inability to control what and how I eat. However whether that's the case or not Jillian states that to be able to move, think positively and adopt a healthy lifestyle the person in question (me) must forget about previous points in my battle with my weight such as when I was at my thinnest, and think about now. Right now. Today and the future. Yes, its hard to do and I'm still getting my head around it but logically it makes sense. I'm setting myself up to fail if I constantly compare myself to how I was. I am a different person now to what I was when I was at my thinnest.

Jillian also states that to perceive yourself positively you must change your negative thoughts about yourself and concentrate on the things about you that are positive. For example today I had an amazing workout and I really pushed myself like I haven't before and found that I am actually a lot stronger than I thought and my stamina and endurance also excelled my expectations (I actually tweeted that I felt super strong). Previously I would have been caught up and thinking that I wasn't doing certain exercises right, my leg wasn't high enough or I didn't dip as low as everyone else when doing lunges. And to be totally honest I really couldn't care. The positive feelings far out-weighed the negative.

So next time rather than thinking what I did wrong I will think what I did right. Whether it be choosing an apple over a cake or pushing myself harder rather than getting caught up on what others are doing.

Ciao,
Positive Thinking Roo
xoxo