*Honesty - Being the best of what I can be*

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called "The best of what I can be" and within this I explained that after some tragic news I began to sum up my life. I thought at the time that I was finally beginning to accept myself for who I was regardless of my flaws however, over the past two weeks I have found it hard to cope with. Like the majority of food abusers I turned to comfort eating and allowed myself to be part of the vicious cycle of comfort eating and hating myself for doing it.


If I'm honest (and I will be) I won't ever get over the death of H, nor have I ever got over the killing of my two school friends and the suicide of another. I have cried for endless hours and I feel like I have no more tears left to cry but that does not mean it no longer hurts. It still hurts bad. But now I need to take some time out for me. I need to be the best of what I can be, after all that's how I will always remember you all. But now I need me time.

Me time....

As I have done nothing but comfort eat for the past two weeks my weight has ballooned to 18stone 10lb. Which means I have put on close to a stone (or 14lb) within two weeks and am at my all time highest ever weight. Yes I'm annoyed at being another stone heavier but I'm ready to face up to the fact that I have treated my body unfairly for the past two weeks. I have had a continuous migraine which I believe to be partly a result of eating rubbish processed food so believe me, I have suffered.

Here I am at 18stone 10lb (this was taken today).

I know for me getting back and track and staying on track is the hardest thing for me when using the Weightwatchers plan. At the start I want to get the most bang for my buck but I know I am often tempted to eat processed junk. For now I think I will concentrate on sticking to my points allowance.

My method for a week back on track or any other day for that matter:

• Track - I'm using the tracker on e-source to calculate all of my intake as well as using a paper journal for when I'm on the move.
• Point allowance - I recalculated my points allowance to which I'm allocated 27 points per day.
• Exercise - I still swim twice a week but I am hoping to sign up to a aerobics class on a Monday (I am waiting for confirmation of this). I also plan to do the recommended 30 minutes of exercise per day on the other fours day, this will more than likely be walking.
• Weigh - I know that for me to be successful I need to weigh everything, no "guess-ti-mating".

This week is going to be different. This week I am going to be the best of what I can be!

Roo

xoxo

*Weekly Post - Planning and the Biggest Loser*

Firstly... Biggest Loser Season 8... WOW! I absolutely loved Danny, not only because he was super gorgeous but also because he spoke to me on a personal level. The majority of the things he said touched my heart and he was always the one to win for me. Secondly Rebecca who won the at home challenge looked like a totally different person. They both prove that the concept of exercise and calorie counting does work.

As my weekly timetable has been pretty much jam packed due to uni, work and exercise I have had to plan my day down to the last minute. So what better subject could I discuss than planning. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that I know exactly what I'm doing all the time, as I really don't but that then becomes a situation where I know that I need to use my other Weight watcher tools such as my Weight watchers calculator and picking lower/healthier point alternatives. As well as this I constantly remind myself that I do best by keeping to my plan and by tracking everything that passes my lips.

There are a number of ways to plan and in fact save you time:

• Plan your meals - I like to plan my meals every morning as I know what food is available that day. However I know a lot of people that track weekly and they find that it works just as well. Its finding out what works best for you.
• Plan and cook in bulk - If I know that I have a lecture that ends at 8pm I either cook double the night before and refrigerate the rest for the following day so when I get in around 9 I can just heat it up. If I know I don't have much time to cook during the week I will have a cook off on a Sunday, putting my food in containers for during the week and either freezing them or refrigerating them.
• Eating out - If I have spare cash (we all know what its like to be a student at some point) I will eat a meal at my Uni, by planning what I'm going to eat I save points, stick to plan and save myself some cash. Bonus!
• Exercise- Not only is planning a excellent tool for successful weight loss but its also essential for me in regards to exercise. Like I said before, calorie counting and exercise go hand in hand with each other.

I'm sure there are a number of other occasions and ways to plan but these are just a few I use on a daily basis.

I haven't commented on my achievements and goals for a while now so here it goes.

Achievements:

• I am still swimming twice a week! I absolutely love it and always look forward to going. If you follow me on Twitter you will have read that whilst swimming I was referred to as "fatty" last week, thinking about it I haven't actually tweeted that for once this hasn't destroyed my confidence or motivation. Instead its made me even more determined to keep going. So thank you to the rude little boy for calling me fat.
• I am tracking every day and are even tweeting what I eat today. I have done this for a while so I was strangely excited to restart this morning.
• I have stayed the same for the past two weeks. This seems to happen a lot so I'm making a conscious decision to try a few tips on how to move past my plateau. I will update you on my findings.

My goal for next week:

• Track, track, track. I know that by continuing to track I should be able to push past this plateau and begin to lose the old poundage again.

I have a pretty busy week ahead so one of the best ways to keep in contact with me, read my random commuting comments, keep informed of my newly acquired insults, my daily food in take or just to ping me a message feel free to add me here Twitter .

Also let me know of any of your own tools or planning techniques, as I would love to hear them.

Have a fabulous week.


Roo
xoxo

*Being the Best of What I Can Be*

After a recent tragedy I keep replaying in my head that I am not going to be here for ever. As statistics go to show I am likely to have another forty years tops and as morbid as it is I can't help but fixate on the fact that I feel that I am wasting my life being so unhappy. The easy thing for me to do is to just get on with my life and force myself to accept me for all my flaws but deep down I know that's not the answer.

The answer for me is to pull my finger out of my a$$ and do something that makes me happy. I know to be happy I need to love myself, yes for my flaws but also because I know that I am the best of what I can be.

The idea of my own mortality scares the jeepers out of me, after all I don't know whether I will see tomorrow let unknown retirement. This makes me question certain things about myself; where I was, where I am at and where I want to be. Previously I was in a place where I longed for someone to say "I'm here to help you and make you happy" as if it was some kind of switch that I needed to have turned on. I am at a place now where I am starting to understand that I need to work at being happy, I can't just expect to be happy. I need to listen to my desires to be happy. I need to do what I know is right. I need to be healthy, I need to make time for myself, I need to do what is best for me and do what makes me happy.

I know that to be happy I need to be the best of what I can be and part of that is through changing my lifestyle. I currently swim twice a week and I love every single minute of it. I no longer feel the need to be dependent and I thrive on the feeling of independence. I am working on changing my lifestyle and no longer put myself down for the smallest of things. I could go on to say that I am finally feeling a hint of happiness.

But until I am the best of what I can be I think I am doing a pretty good job.

To be continued...

Roo xoxo

*Activity*

If you follow me on Twitter or are a regular reader of my blog you will more than likely have concluded that due to my lack of posts and my Tweets that I have been unwell for the past week. That's right guys, I have endured a week (so far) of a full on cold, sore throat, ear ache, headaches, back ache, muscle cramps and you guessed it...fever. I guess I had it coming.

Any how. While my head is only partially thumping, my nose is only slightly dripping and I am going through a hot flush I thought I would write a quick post as I haven't blogged in a while. Please note that I do have a few topics in which I want to post however they still need some adjustments and I just feel to poorly to write anything that could be perceived as logical thinking.

Firstly I want to thank Becky for nominating me for "The Versatile Blogger Award"!

This week I thought that I would briefly mention activity as its something that has been lacking in my routine for the past week. Although I have swam twice this week as part of my routine I haven't actually done any other activity. Yes, shock horror right. For me activity is just as important as the tracking, after all it is part of my whole lifestyle change. Now don't get me wrong, I have been unwell this week and surprised even myself by still going swimming but I know that activity is something that once I start feeling better I need to work back into my daily routine for a number of reasons.

Now we all know that exercise is suggested to help lead a healthy lifestyle. As well as that activity for me allows me to de-stress as it gives me time to think, whether it be about day to day occurrences or a time to think and plan for the future. Not only that but for me it is an empowering experience, I never feel as good as I do after a good workout. I'm putting that time aside for me in my consistently hectic life, that's empowering just within itself.

So what type of activity to enjoy?

• Walking - I love to switch on my i-Pod and take to the streets with my trusty dog by my side. Often its a fight to see who gives up first.
• Swimming - I have always loved swimming and swam for both my primary and secondary school. It gives me time to think and talk to my friend. This is defiantly my preferred choice of therapy.
• Bike riding - I love to ride my bike. Its a great feeling to have the wind blowing on your face and the miles fly by.
• Wii - As you know I enjoy to use some of the Wii Fit games to mix up my routine and have done some reviews on a couple of them in the past.
• Resistance bands - I <3 these with a passion. These make me feel so strong and I can't help but make myself laugh when I pull some rather strange faces. You know the type you see at the gym when the guys are lifting weights.

So theres just a few of my favorite choices of activity and I'm sure I will add to this list in the future.

I know this is only a brief look at the concept of activity however like I said I don't feel like I can make sense of any topic and go into the depth that it needs at present.

With that I wish you all a fab week. I'm off to dose up on my trusty cold and flu tablets :)

Roo xoxo

* Weekly Update - Setting Goals *

This weeks topic is about setting goals in your life (taken from Weight watchers e-source) outside of weight loss. Many of my goals are actually effected by weight, or should I re-phrase that as 'I allow them to be effected by my weight'. Either way I have goals in which I will accomplish within my life.

It is suggested that a four step plan is put in use to aid you in achieving that goal.

Desire - Which requires the individual to assess whether they desire the finished product enough to motivate them to the end. This seems like the easiest part of the four step plan yet when I compare this to certain goals that I believe to really have desired (for instance reaching my goal weight) I find it hard to come to terms with the idea that if my motivation has previously dwindled, it was a possible result of not desiring the finished product.

Belief - Do I believe that I deserve this? Hell yes I do!

Expectations - Shout your goal from the roof tops! I like this one the most as I know this really does work for me. For example I know that telling everyone that I will complete my 300 mile challenge, ending on New Years Eve aka the eve of my 24th birthday will mean that I will complete. I've already told everyone I'm going to do and I will look like a Muppet if I don't.

Action - This simply means whats on the tin. The individual taking action to reach that goal. Whether it be me going out and walking around the block to add to my 300 mile challenge or whether it be joining a workshop class, taking part in your own challenge, signing up for a local bike tour or even signing up to the job centre. What ever it is, once you have taken that first step your goal will be that much closer.

 So moving on to my weekly achievements and goals...

Achievements

• Consuming my 5 A DAY has become a habit. I find myself consuming much more veg, fruit, beans and pulses than ever before. I can really feel the difference physically and mentally. I have an half written post on 5 A DAY which I hope to have up some time during the week.
• I have made a positive decision to walk where ever and when ever I can rather than taking public transport. Although I have decided not to put these figures against my 300 mile challenge.
• I have upped my swimming to twice a week as well as my normal daily routines and my 300 mile challenge. The first few weeks really played havoc with my back and chest but I feel that I am starting to see a change in my back and shoulder movement so I will carry on.

Goals

• Track, Track and Track - I feel I did really well this week in regards to tracking as I journald everything I ate and drank.
• Keep to points allowance - Although I did track everything I found that on some days I went over my allowance by an considerable amount, in some cases I consumed double my daily allowance. However I did use my banked activity points as well as banked points from other days so by the end of the week it somewhat leveled out.
• Continue my 300 mile challenge - so far I have banked 5.34miles and so am nearly 10 miles behind my set weekly quota! I underestimated how much extra walking was required but a challenge is a challenge and I hate to lose.

Have a great week everyone.

Roo xoxo

* Weekly Update - Setting a Challenge *

If you do not already know, I'm a huge fan of the "Biggest Loser" and I draw a lot of my inspiration from the show and its contestants. So its not a big surprise that yet again I have been inspired to do something.

Last year on the Biggest Loser the contestants ran/jogged/walked a whole marathon which inspired me to give off my butt and do something. Now I'm a very competitive person and I hate to lose (which is weird when I considered my weight loss and my inability to win against myself own self), I hate losing bad! I remember hitting a girl (who will remain nameless) over the head with a cricket bat after she told me I had hit the wicket (please note that I was very young). I didn't hit the wicket. But I am very sorry and luckily we are still friends (she must be crazy right?). So what does my inability to lose have to do with the Biggest Loser?

I am setting myself my own challenge! I know that I'm a lot more capable of certain things than I let myself believe. I proved this during my workouts a number of times. Got to love those planks.

So whats the challenge I hear you say...

The challenge is to walk 300 miles between now and New Years Day also being my 24th birthday. And just because with all challenges there rules (I love rules), my 300 miles has to be additional walking, not my normal everyday walking and workout routine. No, no. I'm doing this the hard core way.

So now I have divulged my personal challenge to you I'll move on to my normal goals and accomplishments this week.

This week has been far from perfect but I have still achieved at some things.

• I tracked everyday - Although I didn't stick to my allowance any of those 7 days I tracked everything which made me feel accountable and also made me see how much I really do eat when not fully on track.
• I added a new exercise routine in the form of swimming - I now swim every Wednesday with my close friend and we are actually off there tonight.
• I have reassessed my 5 A Day intake and have been working on that for a while now - I have an up and coming post on this topic so watch this space.

My goals for this week (my post is a few days late so I have already started this week)

• Contribute to my 300 mile challenge
• Carry on tracking and stick to allowance
• Pre-track in the mornings - I have been doing this for the past few days and it has really helped in so far.
• Work on my 5 A Day

So that's my accomplishments and goals for this week.

I hope you all have a great week.

If anyone would like to take part in my challenge please let me know :)

Roo xoxo

* Fitness Fun - The Biggest Loser Game *

I recently posted that I had purchased "The Biggest Loser" game for the Wii. Like with most games I was sceptical at first and didn't really expert much. After all its just a game. So when I saw it on Amazon for less than ten quid I snatched it right up. I'm a huge kid when it comes to things like this and I get excited very easily. But I did try to get my mature and more reserved hat on.

So I set myself up detailing my weight, height, age and gender and picked my character (I loved Michelle from the series so I picked my character with ease). Rather than go into a full routine I decided just to browse and pick what I wanted to do. In total I initially used the game for about an hour. But be warned...

Half way through one of the exercises I picked I nearly burst into tears! Yes, that's right. I nearly cried over a freaking game! But no, wait, this is no game. If you take the exercises seriously and put your all into it, it really does get your heart pumping and your muscles burning. I felt the burn like never before.

So baring in mind that I only wanted to "play around" with the "game" I had already done my daily workout and so really had two workouts. Now hand on heart, I woke up the next day and it hurt (although I like having that ache from a good workout) to sit down so much that I nearly peed myself because I had to lower myself down. I must have used muscles in my legs and thighs that I hadn't used in a long time.

I've used it nearly every other day since and I defiantly think that this is a great workout for me. The majority of the routines are around 18-25 minutes long (Note: I'm only on beginner) so I try to work in other aspects into my routine but this is defiantly a start.

Some of the features the game has are recipes, calorie counter (you in put your own calories), tips, routines, quick choice on exercises, challenges and a weekly weigh-in dun-dun-duarrrrr.

Overall I give this "game" two thumbs up and would suggest to everyone. Its a great variation from my other routines and my painful thighs show that it targets other muscle groups that could be missed. For around £10.00 whose complaining?

If you have tried and tested or want me to try and test any other Wii exercise games please leave a comment detailing what it is and let us all know how it is alternatively you can mail me here:)

Roo xoxo