Wednesday, 27 October 2010

*Honesty - Being the best of what I can be*

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called "The best of what I can be" and within this I explained that after some tragic news I began to sum up my life. I thought at the time that I was finally beginning to accept myself for who I was regardless of my flaws however, over the past two weeks I have found it hard to cope with. Like the majority of food abusers I turned to comfort eating and allowed myself to be part of the vicious cycle of comfort eating and hating myself for doing it.

If I'm honest (and I will be) I won't ever get over the death of H, nor have I ever got over the killing of my two school friends and the suicide of another. I have cried for endless hours and I feel like I have no more tears left to cry but that does not mean it no longer hurts. It still hurts bad. But now I need to take some time out for me. I need to be the best of what I can be, after all that's how I will always remember you all. But now I need me time.

Me time....

As I have done nothing but comfort eat for the past two weeks my weight has ballooned to 18stone 10lb. Which means I have put on close to a stone (or 14lb) within two weeks and am at my all time highest ever weight. Yes I'm annoyed at being another stone heavier but I'm ready to face up to the fact that I have treated my body unfairly for the past two weeks. I have had a continuous migraine which I believe to be partly a result of eating rubbish processed food so believe me, I have suffered.

Here I am at 18stone 10lb (this was taken today).

I know for me getting back and track and staying on track is the hardest thing for me when using the Weightwatchers plan. At the start I want to get the most bang for my buck but I know I am often tempted to eat processed junk. For now I think I will concentrate on sticking to my points allowance.

My method for a week back on track or any other day for that matter:
  • Track - I'm using the tracker on e-source to calculate all of my intake as well as using a paper journal for when I'm on the move.
  • Point allowance - I recalculated my points allowance to which I'm allocated 27 points per day.
  • Exercise - I still swim twice a week but I am hoping to sign up to a aerobics class on a Monday (I am waiting for confirmation of this). I also plan to do the recommended 30 minutes of exercise per day on the other fours day, this will more than likely be walking.
  • Weigh - I know that for me to be successful I need to weigh everything, no "guess-ti-mating".
This week is going to be different. This week I am going to be the best of what I can be!




  1. I have my fingers abd toes crossed for you hun. It's great that you realised you needed to take control before you went any further, thats got to be a plus side of these terrible times if ever there was one.

    Feel free to get in touch if you need anyone just to listen whilst you vent frustration/anger/emotions.

    Lex xxx

  2. Lex - I may need to take you up on that offer in the future. Thank you for your kindness and your right, I am taking control before things get worse.