*Honesty - Being the best of what I can be*

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post called "The best of what I can be" and within this I explained that after some tragic news I began to sum up my life. I thought at the time that I was finally beginning to accept myself for who I was regardless of my flaws however, over the past two weeks I have found it hard to cope with. Like the majority of food abusers I turned to comfort eating and allowed myself to be part of the vicious cycle of comfort eating and hating myself for doing it.


If I'm honest (and I will be) I won't ever get over the death of H, nor have I ever got over the killing of my two school friends and the suicide of another. I have cried for endless hours and I feel like I have no more tears left to cry but that does not mean it no longer hurts. It still hurts bad. But now I need to take some time out for me. I need to be the best of what I can be, after all that's how I will always remember you all. But now I need me time.

Me time....

As I have done nothing but comfort eat for the past two weeks my weight has ballooned to 18stone 10lb. Which means I have put on close to a stone (or 14lb) within two weeks and am at my all time highest ever weight. Yes I'm annoyed at being another stone heavier but I'm ready to face up to the fact that I have treated my body unfairly for the past two weeks. I have had a continuous migraine which I believe to be partly a result of eating rubbish processed food so believe me, I have suffered.

Here I am at 18stone 10lb (this was taken today).

I know for me getting back and track and staying on track is the hardest thing for me when using the Weightwatchers plan. At the start I want to get the most bang for my buck but I know I am often tempted to eat processed junk. For now I think I will concentrate on sticking to my points allowance.

My method for a week back on track or any other day for that matter:

• Track - I'm using the tracker on e-source to calculate all of my intake as well as using a paper journal for when I'm on the move.
• Point allowance - I recalculated my points allowance to which I'm allocated 27 points per day.
• Exercise - I still swim twice a week but I am hoping to sign up to a aerobics class on a Monday (I am waiting for confirmation of this). I also plan to do the recommended 30 minutes of exercise per day on the other fours day, this will more than likely be walking.
• Weigh - I know that for me to be successful I need to weigh everything, no "guess-ti-mating".

This week is going to be different. This week I am going to be the best of what I can be!

Roo

xoxo

*Weekly Post - Planning and the Biggest Loser*

Firstly... Biggest Loser Season 8... WOW! I absolutely loved Danny, not only because he was super gorgeous but also because he spoke to me on a personal level. The majority of the things he said touched my heart and he was always the one to win for me. Secondly Rebecca who won the at home challenge looked like a totally different person. They both prove that the concept of exercise and calorie counting does work.

As my weekly timetable has been pretty much jam packed due to uni, work and exercise I have had to plan my day down to the last minute. So what better subject could I discuss than planning. Now I'm not going to sit here and say that I know exactly what I'm doing all the time, as I really don't but that then becomes a situation where I know that I need to use my other Weight watcher tools such as my Weight watchers calculator and picking lower/healthier point alternatives. As well as this I constantly remind myself that I do best by keeping to my plan and by tracking everything that passes my lips.

There are a number of ways to plan and in fact save you time:

• Plan your meals - I like to plan my meals every morning as I know what food is available that day. However I know a lot of people that track weekly and they find that it works just as well. Its finding out what works best for you.
• Plan and cook in bulk - If I know that I have a lecture that ends at 8pm I either cook double the night before and refrigerate the rest for the following day so when I get in around 9 I can just heat it up. If I know I don't have much time to cook during the week I will have a cook off on a Sunday, putting my food in containers for during the week and either freezing them or refrigerating them.
• Eating out - If I have spare cash (we all know what its like to be a student at some point) I will eat a meal at my Uni, by planning what I'm going to eat I save points, stick to plan and save myself some cash. Bonus!
• Exercise- Not only is planning a excellent tool for successful weight loss but its also essential for me in regards to exercise. Like I said before, calorie counting and exercise go hand in hand with each other.

I'm sure there are a number of other occasions and ways to plan but these are just a few I use on a daily basis.

I haven't commented on my achievements and goals for a while now so here it goes.

Achievements:

• I am still swimming twice a week! I absolutely love it and always look forward to going. If you follow me on Twitter you will have read that whilst swimming I was referred to as "fatty" last week, thinking about it I haven't actually tweeted that for once this hasn't destroyed my confidence or motivation. Instead its made me even more determined to keep going. So thank you to the rude little boy for calling me fat.
• I am tracking every day and are even tweeting what I eat today. I have done this for a while so I was strangely excited to restart this morning.
• I have stayed the same for the past two weeks. This seems to happen a lot so I'm making a conscious decision to try a few tips on how to move past my plateau. I will update you on my findings.

My goal for next week:

• Track, track, track. I know that by continuing to track I should be able to push past this plateau and begin to lose the old poundage again.

I have a pretty busy week ahead so one of the best ways to keep in contact with me, read my random commuting comments, keep informed of my newly acquired insults, my daily food in take or just to ping me a message feel free to add me here Twitter .

Also let me know of any of your own tools or planning techniques, as I would love to hear them.

Have a fabulous week.


Roo
xoxo

*Being the Best of What I Can Be*

After a recent tragedy I keep replaying in my head that I am not going to be here for ever. As statistics go to show I am likely to have another forty years tops and as morbid as it is I can't help but fixate on the fact that I feel that I am wasting my life being so unhappy. The easy thing for me to do is to just get on with my life and force myself to accept me for all my flaws but deep down I know that's not the answer.

The answer for me is to pull my finger out of my a$$ and do something that makes me happy. I know to be happy I need to love myself, yes for my flaws but also because I know that I am the best of what I can be.

The idea of my own mortality scares the jeepers out of me, after all I don't know whether I will see tomorrow let unknown retirement. This makes me question certain things about myself; where I was, where I am at and where I want to be. Previously I was in a place where I longed for someone to say "I'm here to help you and make you happy" as if it was some kind of switch that I needed to have turned on. I am at a place now where I am starting to understand that I need to work at being happy, I can't just expect to be happy. I need to listen to my desires to be happy. I need to do what I know is right. I need to be healthy, I need to make time for myself, I need to do what is best for me and do what makes me happy.

I know that to be happy I need to be the best of what I can be and part of that is through changing my lifestyle. I currently swim twice a week and I love every single minute of it. I no longer feel the need to be dependent and I thrive on the feeling of independence. I am working on changing my lifestyle and no longer put myself down for the smallest of things. I could go on to say that I am finally feeling a hint of happiness.

But until I am the best of what I can be I think I am doing a pretty good job.

To be continued...

Roo xoxo