I have had a tough past couple of nights, however not for reasons some might think. Let me begin at the start. For the past four or five years one of my favourite things to do was to dine out with friends or my partner. Dinning out was previously on my least liked list of activities as I hated eating in front of people. For the majority of my teenage life I was a secret eater, however the food I ate was not something to be ashamed of as I ate reasonably healthy and maintained a weight that I should have been proud of. However like most teenage girls I hated the way I looked and even though I was very active and my weight really should not have been an issue, my thighs were always the area I retained extra fat so was convinced I was severely overweight.
However something clicked in my head and I suddenly began to enjoy eating out. I got the chance to taste foods which I hadn't tried before as well as the luxury of eating and not having to cook or clean up after. I do believe that my then newly found freedom to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and with whom ever I wanted was a contributing factor to my weight gain. And as all you Weight watchers/lifestyle-changers know eating out can be a very "calorific" adventure which equals extra pounds.
So moving to the present...
For the past couple of nights I have dinned out with both my best friend and my partner to which I actually hated every moment of it. Not because of the company but due to suddenly feeling very uncomfortable eating in public. In sticking with the Weight watchers concept of tracking I picked the lower pointed food options but felt obliged to only eat part of my food. I felt extremely overwhelmed and considered on a few occasions as to whether to leave or not.
I hadn't felt this way for a number of years and suddenly feeling a rush of these negative emotions made me realise that I actually didn't enjoy dinning out anymore. I didn't like feeling pressured to order off of a menu in which was likely to be prepackage foods heated in the kitchen, be in sight of numerous members of the public whilst I ate (fat girl stuffing her face always comes to mind) as well as risking blowing my daily allowance if I don't stick to the plan of action.
So for the time being I have decided to refrain from eating out and have decided that rather than eating foods that are often higher in points than what I could cook at home and encounter the same negative feelings that I have recently I shall make a conscious decision to change my future social events to activities that do not result and centre around eating.